Gilmartin in his 1987 book Shyness and Love: Causes, consequences, and treatment.The Love-shy term does not cover all people perfectly; some have had relationships in the past, while others have no problem approaching, they just can't get anyone to say "yes." Other terms for describing the predicament exist.Asperger's tend to have obsessive hobbies of a very specific nature, getting down to trivial details.They also tend to be very patterned and stereotyped in their behavior, performing repetitive movements like bobbing back and forth in a chair.In a 2004 letter, Gilmartin noted that as many as 40 percent of Love-shys may suffer from Asperger's.Curiously, in a poll on Wrong Planet.net, roughly 40% of poll takers claimed extreme difficulty in romantic interactions.Love-shyness as a concept is fairly easy to explain, but questions are often evoked about its scope and exactly how it affects individuals. He chose the term to describe people who are shy, but want romantic relationships, and just can't get them no matter how hard they try.Listed here are answers to the most frequent questions; more detailed answers can be found by registering on the forum and asking the members. There is a large umbrella of interpretation possible and love-shyness is certainly a spectrum of disorders -- no two love-shys are alike, and many do not fall under Gilmartin's categorizations, but they are still love-shy.
The seeds of love-shyness are often set in childhood, as love-shys tend to fall behind socially and become pariahs, and suffer all the negative consequences that result. Most love-shys have a fear of approaching that is the result of rejection, internal inhibitions, or a combination of the two.Most love-shys support things like gay marriage but the tone of the forum is decidedly hetero. The argument that not as many women are as effected by it as men seems to be true, coroborrated by the much higher incidence of Asperger's syndrome in men, but that doesn't make the suffering of women who are love-shy any different.Women can find a supportive environment on Love-shy.com, despite the fact that many men in the forum are frustrated with women.Many love-shys would love to jump into a relationship, they just can't, for whatever reason.They often are too "slow" when it comes to processing social signals to pick up on the fact that a partner might be interested in them.Of course, this doesn't mean they are retarded; most love-shys have above-average intelligence, they just suck at picking up on social cues.Of course, that doesn't mean there aren't homosexual and asexual love-shys; they exist, but as a minority. As far as homosexuality is concerned, many love-shys are accused of being homosexual and made fun of, so it's kind of a sore issue. Indeed, it does, despite the fact that Gilmartin only studied love-shy men.Many also suffer from things like Asperger's syndrome, and so may not pick up on cues that a potential partner is interested in them.This often gets misinterpreted as homosexuality or asexuality, when in fact the love-shy is dying for a relationship, but just doesn't know how to express it.Many members of the forum have been formally diagnosed with Asperger's.It is very likely that Asperger's and datelessness go hand in hand, though many Love-shys do not suffer from Asperger's.